Yet, it is fictitious in a sense.  Who can know what Henry and Anne spoke of in their private moments or what deals were made in back rooms? 

I do not have Showtime, but in my area Showtime has been heavily advertising season 3 of this series.  Although I am a historical drama junkie, I had managed to keep away from this series.  What on earth could possibly make it entertaining when I know everything about Henry the VIII?  So it was my boredom that lead me to order season one and I expected to be totally bored by the same Henry story we have all read or seen in other films.  I was totally and happily surprised! 

I just scanned through Entertainment Weekly's 50 Sexiest Movies Ever and many or most I didn't consider the least bit sexy. 

Now it seems to me -- all of us being different, we have different definitions of sexy.  I would think even Entertainment Weekly would realize that not everyone is turned on by the same types of things, but I guess not. 

What I think is worse is that somewhere there are some young women and/or men that think EW knows such things and try to be sexy in that EW way and thereby turn off much of the population and end up wondering why they never meet their "soulmate."

I feel sad and confused. 

I still remember that day the medical examiner called me.  Although I knew he was calling about someone being dead -- I honestly didn't think it would be her.  It is one of those times in my life when I have been caught off guard and totally surprised by something.

All I can say is that I miss her. 

Many people missed her, especially the school she taught at and all her students (she was a special ed teacher).  They wanted a big memorial service, but I had to say no.  She didn't want that and I could not go against her wishes.

I do know that she touched some of her students lives, from stories I have heard.  That would have been all that she would hoped for and I must be happy with that also. 

Doesn't keep me from missing her.  Christmas will be very hard this year.  Two sisters gone in about 2 years.  At times it feels like more than I can bear.  However, I will continue for how ever long I have and I will do my best to find joy in whatever there is.  We can't waste our lives being sad about what could have been, we must continue on as if the bad things were only minor setbacks.  We must predetermine to be happy even though that doesn't heal all pain.

Although I have not been depressed in a horrible way -- like hoping or planning for death, I have had more than a bit of depression to deal with these past two years.  Right about the time I felt I was emerging from the cocoon of my sister Debi's death -- I had Becky's death to deal with.  This seemed to take form in me not getting anything done.  I would put off my normal appointments (like the dentist for months and months).  My house was even more messy than normal.  Even making it to the post office to mail packages never happened. I did still blog, but that was about all of my normal activities that I keep up with.

It is only now that I sit here with my teeth and mouth in constant pain that I realize what form my depression took.  In the past, I would have neve gone more than 6 months without seeing a dentist.  However, over the past two years I have been unwilling to leave the house except for the most basic need -- such as food.  The pain finally drove me to a dentist, but if it hadn't happened I likely would still ignoring it even though I could visiably see how much I needed a dentist.

I suppose that I expected depression to take a traditional form, but instead it took the form of isolation and apathy.  I could get by without calling that depression and there by enabling myself.  Now that I fully realize it, I must take action against it and try to move on.

The blond wood table in the photo is an example of something I hate.  In fact, I grew up with a table that looked exactly like that.  I don't totally hate the style, but I HATE blond wood.  I remember always hating the blond wood.  Britton also grew up with blond wood in the house and hates it.  Both of us have really ornate type taste and can often be found haunting the antique and thirft stores in search of art nouveau style items.

There are other things I now hate that I grew up with and liked at the time.  Miracle Whip springs to mind.  We never had mayo, always Miracle Whip and I even remember the first time I tasted mayo -- I knew I would never like MW again.  My sisters on the other hand never liked mayo and always felt MW was the best because it is what they grew up with.

There are some things I grew up with that I don't feel that way about.  I grew up in a red brick house and I still love red brick houses.  We had a big backyard with a cement patio and I still feel all yards should have a patio, even though mine doesn't. 

There are some things I miss -- like when I grew up most of our bedding consisted of quilts my grandmother had made and pillow cases that she had embroidered.  I still have one of her quits, but it is unfinished -- without the backing or whatever they call it, but all the actual quilting is done.  I would be terrified to use that quilt to actually sleep under, but all my bedding is store bought and that doesn't seem quite right either.

So there are certain things that although we learn to live with as adults never seem quite right.  Other things seem perfectly right and we wonder why they were ever done differently.  I still am not sure what the difference is, but mostly I think it comes down to personal taste.  Blond wood furniture is not my taste.  However, sleeping with blankets and pillow cases that much love and work was put into is -- there is something extra cozy about that.

I heard that today is considered the first day of Fall. 

It doesn't really feel like it here, but there are signs.  Some of my trees have some leaves turning from green to gold.  I love when the Virginia creeper turns red and when the sun hits it right it looks like something on fire, but it is nowhere near that yet, still very green.

I love the Fall except that it reminds me that winter is on the way.  I don't like the winter. 

Many people seem to have a misconception that New Mexico doesn't get cold.  Well, let me tell you -- it does.  Not midwest ice storm type cold, but cold.  Go further north, like up to Taos and you are talking really cold. 

A couple years ago when we had the most amazing snow storm that left us snowed in for 3 days, the photos above are from that storm. 

Luckily, I always prepare when I hear it may snow.  There is a good reason for that -- I don't live in town and they often close the highway and roads to and from Albuquerque.  So if you don't have everything you need you are screwed until they open the roads again.

However, I did learn something during those 3 days.  Even though we had everything thing we needed the mere fact that we couldn't leave bothered us.  The highway and paved roads were not closed that whole time, but we couldn't even get out of our driveway and the dirt roads that go through the canyon to our house were not much better.  There is something about not being able to leave that is for mobile modern people very distasteful and almost frightening.  Perhaps it is different for people who are used to that happening every winter, but it made me feel trapped.

Of course, I could not feel more trapped than my cat, James Bond.  Bond is is so funny when it snows because he so wants to go out.  He makes me open the door and then he stands there a bit before deciding the weather is too bad.  He then turns around and looks at me, like I am somehow causing this or allowing it just to keep him from going out.  

Cats and humans aren't so different -- we are both grumpy and need someone to blame for it.

One of my dirty little secrets is that I smoke.  Sometimes I smoke a lot!  Especially when I am writing.

It isn't that I want to smoke, it is that I am a fucking junkie.  I don't consider myself better than any other junkie, no matter what their junk may be.  A junkie is a junkie.

So lately I have been experimenting with new ways to quit.  There are things that help, for example Chantix, but I still need that extra boost of will power or whatever it is.

Now I had remembered that years ago there was this Russian man on 20/20.  He said he could cure anyone of smoking and 20/20 actually sent a smoker there and she did quit smoking.  The way he said he did it was by removing the memories of smoking for the person's mind.  It all looked rather silly, he waved his hands over the person and seemed to be pulling at something, but it honestly seemed to work for people.  Power of suggestion?  Belief in miracles?  I don't know.

However, yesterday I tried a different approach after remembering this story and every time I wanted a cigarette I would asked myself "why?  you don't smoke and never have."  Something like that.  Quite honestly it worked pretty well.  I normally smoke close to 2 packs per day and I am at far less than a pack right now.  Most of those times I lit up without even thinking, let alone asking myself those questions.  The times I did tell myself something like that it actually seemed to work. 

Is it the extra boost that will help me overcome this with the aide of Chantix?  I certainly hope so.  I realize that I am a slave to this.  In fact, the other night when I was thinking if I would change anything about my life if I could time travel back that was the one thing I wanted to change.  I would want to keep myself from ever becoming a smoker.

So wish me luck.  I have no doubt I will need luck and probably lots of good vibes to conquer this.

Likely I should change the graphic on this blog to something besides the girl with the gun and cigarette. 

I finally bought a new digital camera yesterday!  I have been using my 4 mp Kodak Easy Share for about 5 years, but I have been assuming that a 10 mp camera would be better and so that is what I bought.

There are several reasons why I picked this one, but number one is that the last film camera I owned was a Fuji, a fairly expensive 35 mm zoom model.  I loved that camera!  It traveled all over Europe with me and always took great photos, even from a moving buses, boats and trains.  I had owned all types of other brands of camera before that including what is considered "the best" and none of them were as good or lasted so long as my Fuji, which I still have and still works. 

Other things I liked about this camera -- it is a least half the size of my 4 mp Kodak.  It also has all the settings I wanted, like night shot.  It came with a rechargeable battery and charging dock.  The price was great and they threw in a free extra battery (which are over $30) and camera case.  It is red!  I didn't like that it was only 3x zoom, but so were most of the other cameras except for the really expensive ones, so I will live with that.

It also has great reviews on Amazon and other sites.

Maybe I can get some better UFO pix now with my 10 mp camera. :-)

Being in Ventura also made me realize how much more energy I have at a lower altitude.  I think I am at around 8000 feet here where I live and to be at sea level (or whatever Ventura is) is like having some sort of energy boost.  It made me wonder if I would be more productive at a lower altitude or that after I became used to it, it would no longer provide that extra energy.   It isn't something I hadn't noticed before.  I notice it every time I visit a lower altitude.  I am pretty sure that observation is rooted in science and that it takes more energy for your body to keep going at a higher altitude.  

I had a truly fun time!  I really love central Cal and I am already hoping for a trip to Santa Barbara during the winter sometime.

As we drove 101 back to Burbank we noticed that 101 going north around LA was backed up for miles.  I am serious about miles, at least 10 miles and it was NOT moving at all.  Even 101 south that we were driving was only moving at about 6 miles per hour.  I don't think I will complain so much about Albuquerque traffic anymore.  :-)

Yep, I leave Tuesday for Ventura, California. 

It occurred to me that it has been several years since I have been on a plane.  I had to check the TSA list of banned items.  Last time I flew was before the ban on "liquids."  It isn't exactly a ban, you can bring liquids in bottles of 3 oz or less.  Try finding a 3 oz bottle of hair mousse, it doesn't exist.  I must have mousse so I will be checking the airport gift shop upon landing. 

Aside from the hassle and the fact that I hate airports and planes -- I know that I will enjoy myself once I am there.  Sure, it is a business trip, but I will still make it to the beach (which is only a block away from the hotel) and have a good time.  Although, it is also true that if travel were not such a hassle, I would do a lot more of it. 

American airports are horrible!  I remember coming home from France a few years ago.  The airport there was totally laid back and polite.  Yes, they had lots of security watching and doing random searches.  I was one of the random searches and they were soooooooo polite about it, to the point of apologizing that they had to do it.  They didn't at all make me feel like a criminal.  I land in Atlanta, where I have to change planes and I am literally herded through this security check point where security people are practically yelling for everyone to remove their shoes and going through carry on bags.   The people in security there were as rude as they come and I thought -- so this is how we welcome people to America?  Not to mention that when you have to go through that before getting on a flight it kind of shatters your sense of well being.  

OK, so wish me luck with the actual travel part. 

I will have my macbook and internet access and if I have anything to report or photos to post while I am gone I will be posting  at TDF. 

Often when I click on facebook to go to my page it won't load and it causes my modem to go offline.  It also fucks up my browser and I have to shut it down and restart it.  I thought this was only happening on the Mac, but just now I had it happen on my PC.  It didn't make my modem go offline, but it did freeze my browser.

8/10/08 Update - Whatever the problem was seems to have been fixed and I am no longer having problems.